Again with my all too honest travel stories.
The first time I ever stayed in a hostel was in Rome. Plenty of websites had said that The Yellow was the best party hostel in Rome, so I was back and forth with the idea. This was going to be my first time doing solo travel, and my first time in a hostel. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
Pricewise, The Yellow is on par with most of the hostels in Rome. It is cheaper than the boujie ones for sure. I figured I could book the room and if I panicked beforehand I could always cancel.
Getting to The Yellow
In terms of arriving at the hostel, this is ridiculously easy to get to. Odds are you’re going to be taking the train into Rome. From Roma Termini train station, it’s only about 4 blocks north.
There isn’t too much to see on those blocks, so you’re not exactly going to start feeling the awe of Rome walking from the train station. If anything, you’ll pass by a cheap massage place that you should keep in mind in case you walk too much.
For me, I was walking on what I didn’t realize was a broken leg, so that quick walk was perfect for me.
It’s hard to miss The Yellow when you get to Via Palestro. There is a bar on the north side of the road that is always busy and usually has people sitting outside at the tables. That’s The Yellow Bar. The Yellow Hostel is on the other side of the road. I originally though, and was kind of worried, that the “craziest hostel bar” was going to be pounding music under me all night so I was glad to see it across the street.
When you open the door to the hostel, you’ll know you’re in a party ready place. There is loud music playing alternative rock music that sounds like it could be on the soundtrack for Eurotrip. The place has a laid back feeling and people are walking around like extras in a TV show.
The front desk was staffed by some punk rock chick from Germany and a goofy American guy. They had this vibe that made it seem like they’d be people I’d be hanging with at some point. Super laid back and having fun in the hostel environment.
It was a check-in process without any problems so I’ll spare you about the exciting moments of handing over my credit card and being handed my room key.
Being my first hostel experience ever, I was pretty nervous about what I was about to walk into. The room was on the third floor, so I crammed into the tiny elevator rather than limping up the stairs.
I opened the door to room 300-something expecting to see some people hanging out in there, but the room was empty. The furniture in the room was just two bunk beds and a desk with a few books on it.
Only my bed and the top bed on the other bunk were still made, so it looked like I had a couple of roommates. One of them left a One Direction shirt on their bed, so I got a little nervous I was sharing the room with a couple 18 year old girls.
Besides that, the room was in order. It was clean enough and I had plenty of space to fit all of my stuff in the slide out drawer under my bed.
The bathroom was honestly my only complaint. It is extremely small with nothing in there to drown out the umm, bathroom sounds. There also isn’t any shelf or any place to put your stuff when you’re showering and getting ready. I mean…can we at least have a hook on the wall to hang a toiletry bag?
There really wasn’t much to look at in the room, so I just locked up my stuff and went out to explore and finally taste real Italian pizza!
Sadly, I ended up wandering into the worst pizza place in Rome. It actually had the lowest review on Yelp, but I was starving and couldn’t walk anymore. I made up for that bad pizza experience by shoveling more of it into my face throughout the trip.
I walked as long as I could with my bum leg, but had to make my way back to the room around dinner time. This time when I got to the room there were two girls in there when I opened the door.
They were two American flight attendants that used their jobs to get free flights to Rome. It sounded like they were kind of beat from the night before and getting some rest after exploring all day.
It did feel like I was impeding on their conversation or something, but I was bet myself and I could barely stand up, so I just sat in my bed and tried to get some conversation out of them. The one on the bunk across the room was definitely friendlier than the girl on the bunk above me.
After about a half hour the one above me finally said “Hey dude, do you mind going in the bathroom or something for a few minutes? We’re not wearing pants and want to get ready to go out.”
Awkward, but funny. I got up and hobbled down to the Yellow Hostel bar across the street to kill some time while they put on pants.
The Yellow Bar
It’s literally across the street from The Yellow Hostel.
There was actually a decent crowd in there and it was only 6:00 or 6:30. They have plenty of beers on tap and the pricing is pretty good. Apparently a lot of locals go to this bar since it’s one of the better deals for drinks in the area.
I kind of just stood around like a doofus drinking a beer trying to find an in to go talk to someone. I downed my first beer pretty quickly for some liquid courage and ordered another.
Still, I stood around like a doofus looking for someone to talk to.
Instead of being social, I did some people watching. Mainly I was watching some of the people that may have been at the bar for way too long already. There was this one couple of Asian guys near the door that looked like they had WAY too much to drink for this time of the day.
Then it happened. One of them forgot how to use his legs and went crashing through a table. It was glorious.
The fall knocked a table full of drinks all over me and the 2 girls ordering drinks. I figured it might be time to go back to the hostel and take a shower that was much needed even before I had a mix of beer and Long Island iced teas on my legs.
Back to the Roomies
A couple beers definitely helped take some of the pain off of my leg as I zipped up the stairs faster than earlier that day.
There was that awkward moment where I was ready to enter “my” room but I still felt like I had to knock since the girls were in there. I guess I am a gentleman after all?
It looked like I got back just as the girls were getting ready to head out for themselves. The friendlier one asked if I wanted to come out with them. I really needed a shower so I passed. She said they were going to start out at The Yellow Bar, which I just left, and I should head over there after I showered to see if they are still out.
They left and I went and used that tiny, kind of gross bathroom. Really guys, a hook for a towel maybe?
The Yellow Bar – Part Deux
I hate that feeling when you walk into a crowded place looking for someone and have no idea where they are. I looked around the bar and the back tables, but it looked like the girls were gone. I was ditched! Still I texted the nice one to tell her that I at least came to grab a drink.
Well, there was a back section of the bar I didn’t know about and she texted me back that she was there.
A round of drinks on Mike!
Another round of drinks on Mike!
I’m really good at being a budget traveler until it comes to drinking with people at a bar. I spent so many broke nights in college drinking from the generosity of my friends that I now feel like I need to act like a baller at a bar. Oh well…new friends!
I really felt like we were hitting it off, until the sassy one said that “The Scottish guys” texted her that they were coming to meet up. Pro – I was about to make some more friends and I love the Scottish; Con – I was really hoping to try to hookup with one of the girls and now it looked like I’d be getting the old c-block.
The Scottish Bros
We went out front to get some fresh air and drink at the outdoor tables where the Scots were. I swear I thought one of them was Conor McGregor. I know Irish and Scottish people are from two different places, but this guy sounded just like him (without the cockiness), looked like him, and also used to be an MMA fighter.
I did what I always do to make new friends, another round on Mike!
These guys were really cool, so I was happy to add to the group. They weren’t really drinking much though because they had an insanely early tour the next morning of The Vatican and were still hungover from drinking with my roommates the night before.
My English Nerds
We all went inside for whatever reason. With typical drunk guy brain, I assumed the Scottish bros were trying to hook up with my roommates. They all were in conversation and I noticed a couple of girls to my left and I introduced myself.
I say I introduced myself, but I was a few drinks in so I probably just babbled some nonsense related to whatever I was eavesdropping on.
It worked though, because they laughed and kept talking to me.
My roommates and the Scots were still all in deep convo about God knows what and I was having fun with my new friends from “Bumblefuck, England.”
It really is so much easier to meet new people when you know at least one other person. And also when you’re drunk.
There’s a Downstairs?
We eventually combined groups of Americans, Scots, and Brits. The group decided to go downstairs, which I had no idea existed there. I mean, I didn’t even realize there was a back part of the bar, so who would be surprised.
The Scots soon decided to leave at this point because of their Holy Day the next day. On paper this was great for me. Just me and a bunch of chicks drinking and traveling. In reality, it felt like it was about to turn into ladies night with me along for the ride.
The upstairs bar was set up like a typical pub with regular bar music, and live bands some nights. Downstairs was where you go do party though. It’s the dim lit area with the oompta oompta music.
I’ll be honest, at this point everything started to become a blur. So the details are foggy and the connections between events barely exists.
I do remember coming out of the bathroom and seeing a guy wearing a University of Miami hat. I went to the U for college so I had to introduce myself. He didn’t actually go there, he stole the hat from his friend. The guy still was a fan of my alma mater so we became fast friends.
One of the girls from the group was waving me over so I brought Miami hat guy over to meet them. I think he was excited to get the introduction to a group of girls.
Lost in Translation
Miami hat guy integrated himself into the group pretty quickly so I went off to refresh my empty beer glass. While I was waiting at the bar a guy from Argentina came over with who I thought was his girlfriend so he could tell me that the girl thought I was hot.
I was really confused about this scenario. He pushed her over to me and she gave me a nervous look and said in broken English that she doesn’t speak any English. I replied with horrible broken drunk Spanish to say I don’t speak Spanish with beer.
Then somehow I had the bright idea to pull up my Google translate app and write something to her on it. Her eyes lit up and she grabbed my phone and wrote back on it.
Pathetically, this was a lot easier for me to do than have a real conversation. I feel like most of my dating conversations happen by typing in a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, so this was like doing that but with the girl across from me.
I wish my phone saved the “conversation” we had, but I can’t find it anymore. Somehow drunk Mike was able to hit on this girl without speaking a word until she looked at me and started kissing me in the middle of the bar.
The British girls in the bar crew saw and cheered. That was awkward but the Argentinian laughed. She took my phone again for another translation.
I do remember what this one said though…. “Can we go to your room?”
We went across the street and up to room 300-something.
Within no time we were having hostel bunk sex. Thank god I had the lower bunk.
Hostel sex is funny. The beds are tiny. There is a small roof of sorts. And there is the obvious fear that someone is going to walk in at any moment.
Again, the booze made my night extremely blurry, but one of the moments here I do remember was my naked ass on the floor trying to unlock the drawer under my bed. I was in a frantic way trying to get into my bag to get a condom. Safety first!
This isn’t a romance novel so I’m not going to start explaining the minute details of this drunken sex experience. It was a fun time though. She seemed happy as she got dressed after and put her number in my phone and had me follow her Instagram page. Some people will do anything for a new follower.
She walked out the door and I just laid there for a minute to let the day sink in. I looked at my phone and it wasn’t even midnight though! I threw on my pants and went to go back to the bar.
My friendly roommate was getting off the elevator as I was about to get in. She told me that everyone left the bar to go home or out to other bars so she was heading in. Instead of going to the bar to start over making new friends I just went back to the room.
I don’t remember why, but we were sitting on the floor talking. I do remember the conversation was about both of our hurt legs. My shin was broken (I’d find out officially the next night) and she pulled a muscle tripping earlier that day. I thought it would be nice to give her a calf massage.
She must really like calf rubs because she leaned over and started making out with me.
We laughed that we were dry humping on the floor and got into her bed. We were both naked in no time. She asked if I had a condom and it honestly wasn’t until that moment that I realized I had just had sex with someone else less than 20 minutes ago.
I stopped to apologize and told her that.
She asked if it was the Spanish girl from the bar. I replied yes thinking it was about to get really awkward.
“Yeah, I saw you two making out across the street.” Now I thought it was going to get even more awkward.
“So are you getting a condom or what?”
I DID NOT expect that to be the next think out of her mouth. My bare ass was once again on the floor fumbling with the combination lock trying to get to my bag for a condom.
And more silly hostel sex ensued.
A Captive Audience
Not to brag or anything, but we were going at it for a while. I was really into it and almost forgot that we were in a shared room hostel until the door swung open.
“I brought you pizza and chicken and holy shit are you fucking?”
The sassy roommate. And she had a new friend with her. And food.
I stopped my um, thrusting, and tried to at least throw a blanket over my newest date for the evening.
Another thing I didn’t expect this sweet southern girl to say – “I don’t care, keep going.”
Well, I’m a nice guy so I’m not going to just leave her hanging like that.
The cramped bunk bed sex continued and the sassy roommate with her new guy friend sat on the floor to eat pizza from the box. They watched while Miss Sassy made jokes commenting on the events in the room that couldn’t be ignored. It was like live theater for her.
It was somehow funny enough and still hot enough that I had a lot of fun doing this. Someone obviously made the stupid “When in Rome” joke, because you know…we were in Rome.
Definitely not to brag, but we must have been going forever. Sassy kept making comments about this. She told her guy friend that she was going to bed and kicked him out.
I think after a while I literally passed out mid-sex. She did wake me up in the middle of the night to continue though, and sassy yelled at us.
The Morning After
Well, there was a lot to talk about as we woke up a little more sober.
The funniest moment was when “my lover” said “I thought we were going to flip the bunk. Good thing we didn’t get a roommate up there.”
Then a voice from above us “Hello”
This poor guy. He had apparently had an incredibly long day of travel from Brazil to Rome the day before and fell asleep in the hostel at 9:00. He quietly was trapped in his bed while I had sex with two different women over the course of the night.